On Being an Authoritarian Parent

I have taken parenting classes in college.  I am the mother of 5 children.  I am a daycare provider.  I take yearly training classes in childcare.  I feel I have had a little experience in working with children.  Even so, I have one child that is testing all the knowledge I thought I have about children.  That one is Siu.  We had parent teacher conferences last night and it wasn't pretty.

I try to not interfer and do things for my children that I feel they can do on their own.  I try to let them experience the natural consequences of their choices.  In short, I try to be an authoritarian type parent.  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't.  I've made many mistakes as a mother, and probably will make many more.  But I feel that I have failed Siu somehow.  It is difficult to balance my daycare, piano lesson schedule, the other childrens activities, my household and church responsibilities.  I think that often Siu feels she doesn't get any of my attention.  As a result, she will do anything, even misbehave, to get my attention.

She has never really cared about school, but it continues to get worse and worse.  She is not progressing and has even regressed in some areas.  Last night was a wake up call for me and her as well, I think.  I need to stop standing on the side and need to be more active in helping to direct her to do what she needs to do.  She is almost finished with the 4th grade and she still hasn't memorized the times tables!  She continually tells me she is dumb and can't do this and can't do that.  I think she has just given up on school.  I don't know how to get her to want to learn, to want to do her best.  I guess I better learn because time is going on and I hate to see her struggle the rest of her school years when I know she can do the work and do well.  She is very smart, but she doesn't want anyone to know that she is. 

After we got home she was doing her reading and I told her that I loved her no matter what and she started crying.  It broke my heart!  She thought I wouldn't love her because she isn't doing well in school.  I told her that there was nothing she could do or not do that would make me stop loving her.  I'm praying for wisdom for this one, for sure!  I know I can't get through to this girl without some inspiration and help from Heavenly Father.  She can do anything, if she wants to do it.  I just have to help her learn to channel her energy, focus, talent and desire into positive things!!  I'm sure there was a reason why she is our youngest.  To make sure we were "broken in" as parents and were patient enough to help her and teach her.  I hope I can meet the challenge!!