My Beautiful Girl

I just have to post Anita's senior pictures.  I'm so happy with how they turned out!  That's my beautiful baby girl all grown up!  I'm standing in puddles of mommy tears here.

My favorite is the top right one that she is smiling so big in.  That's the one I put up in the living room so I can see her big smile when she's gone away to college in Hawaii.

I love this girl so much and I'm so proud of all she has accomplished throughout her years in school
                                       and I know she will do fantastic in college, as well.
                                       I love you, Nita-girl!

Are You a Time-Starved Family?

I'm currently reading a very good book called, "The Time-Starved Family: Helping Overloaded Families Focus on What Matters Most", by Deanne Flynn.  I highly recommend it if you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by your family's schedule, and especially if you have little babies and children so you can avoid getting caught up in the "my child has to do everything before they can even read" syndrome.  These are some things to ask yourself to determine if you a time-starved family.  Have you ever heard the following statements (complaints, whines, etc.) coming out of your mouth?

• Family prayer?  I can't get all my kids together at the same time to have family prayer!
• Family scripture study??  Who has time for that?
• Family dinner?  We are lucky to eat, much less eat together as a family!
• Family Home Evening?  With all our activities, we do our own version of family home evening while driving to our next ___________ (fill in the blank, class, activity, practice, etc.).
• Family time?? Does time together in the car count?  If so, we have hours of family time each day!
• If my child wants to be a superstar ________________(fill in the blank, athlete, musician, dancer, etc.) then they have to start as young as possible, like 3 years old.
• Being well rounded means you have: sports practice, music lessons, dance lessons, art lessons, after school academic classes or tutoring, voice lessons, on and on. You get the picture.

I must admit I was on the "do it all" bandwagon.  But I'm trying to get off the wagon!  I used to take great pride (clue...DANGER word!) in rattling off my list of the many things my kids were involved in and that took up our time. It somehow made me feel like I was being a good mother to be so BUSY (being under Satan's yoke).  Now it just makes me sad.  My favorite quote from the book so far is, "Eternal life.....don't miss it for the world."  I want to do a big cross stitch of that and put it on the wall!

I agree with the author in her suggestion to choose one sports activity (or other activity if your kids aren't into sports) and one music activity per child at a time.  That's it!  I usually try to stick to that, but sometimes I go over.  Like right now Siu has dance (jazz, tap, ballet) class, Tahitian dance class and Up With Kids.  She also wanted to play soccer this spring.  I bravely have just ignored that request.  I talked with her yesterday and we decided she will finish out the commitments she has made to those activities, two finish in May and the other in June.  After that I will let her choose what she wants to do.  She decided on gymnastics and violin.  That's not necessarily what I would have chosen, but that's what she wants to do.  So I'm learning to let go and hoping that will be a good thing for our family.  I'm hoping we will be able to make time to do the things that really matter and if there's left over time, then we can do the other stuff.  Not the other way around!  I'm trying to embrace the "simple life" and hope that by doing so our life will be more fulfilling, spiritual, and more family centered and we won't miss eternal life for the world and the worldly things that can take over our lives if we let them.

On Being an Authoritarian Parent

I have taken parenting classes in college.  I am the mother of 5 children.  I am a daycare provider.  I take yearly training classes in childcare.  I feel I have had a little experience in working with children.  Even so, I have one child that is testing all the knowledge I thought I have about children.  That one is Siu.  We had parent teacher conferences last night and it wasn't pretty.

I try to not interfer and do things for my children that I feel they can do on their own.  I try to let them experience the natural consequences of their choices.  In short, I try to be an authoritarian type parent.  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't.  I've made many mistakes as a mother, and probably will make many more.  But I feel that I have failed Siu somehow.  It is difficult to balance my daycare, piano lesson schedule, the other childrens activities, my household and church responsibilities.  I think that often Siu feels she doesn't get any of my attention.  As a result, she will do anything, even misbehave, to get my attention.

She has never really cared about school, but it continues to get worse and worse.  She is not progressing and has even regressed in some areas.  Last night was a wake up call for me and her as well, I think.  I need to stop standing on the side and need to be more active in helping to direct her to do what she needs to do.  She is almost finished with the 4th grade and she still hasn't memorized the times tables!  She continually tells me she is dumb and can't do this and can't do that.  I think she has just given up on school.  I don't know how to get her to want to learn, to want to do her best.  I guess I better learn because time is going on and I hate to see her struggle the rest of her school years when I know she can do the work and do well.  She is very smart, but she doesn't want anyone to know that she is. 

After we got home she was doing her reading and I told her that I loved her no matter what and she started crying.  It broke my heart!  She thought I wouldn't love her because she isn't doing well in school.  I told her that there was nothing she could do or not do that would make me stop loving her.  I'm praying for wisdom for this one, for sure!  I know I can't get through to this girl without some inspiration and help from Heavenly Father.  She can do anything, if she wants to do it.  I just have to help her learn to channel her energy, focus, talent and desire into positive things!!  I'm sure there was a reason why she is our youngest.  To make sure we were "broken in" as parents and were patient enough to help her and teach her.  I hope I can meet the challenge!!

Ups and Downs

I know there are ups and downs in life.  I know that there are good times and bad times.  It just seems like right now every single day is full of ups and downs.  It's like my life is on roller coaster mode right now.  One minute things are great and I have really good news, the next everything has changed and the good news is now disappointing news.  My emotions and feelings cannot handle it! 

We are trying to get everything set up for Anita to go to BYU-H in July.  We hope to be able to go with her to help her get settled and for Lincoln and I to take a much needed vacation together.  Lincoln and I have not been away just the two of us for more than one night since Anita was born.  In case you can't do the math, that's 18 1/2 years!  Our 20th anniversary will be on December 14 of this year.  So while I know that it's no record, by any means, it's still a pretty long time and we need some time to spend together without the kids.  What you also need to realize is that from one month after our marriage until after our 6th anniversary I was either pregnant or nursing continuously.  Now for those of you who have been pregnant, nursing, or married to someone who has been, you can imagine how that was.  And my pregnancies were not a piece of cake!  I think there were many times that Lincoln wondered who the heck he had married because it wasn't the same person he had dated!  We have been through a lot together and we really need some time to just reconnect and I think going back to where we started our relationship together is just about the perfect place!  Please say a little prayer for us that things will work out so we can go!!!!